“How do you stay so positive when you have lost everything?”
This is the question that people ask me the most frequently and it is a question that I cannot answer even though it has been 12 years since that fateful day.
If I had to give the question a crack, I would say that it is a blend between nature and nuture.
To a large degree, I think I was born to be strong. I live my life the same way I used to play rugby. Uncompromising. I was a terror on the field and relished my role of being the enforcer. I loved the physical nature of the game. I had a nose for the hard graft, tackling; rucking; scrumming like a man possessed.
On the flip side, I was raised to stubbornly pursue everything I loved. I love life and even though my life is completely different to what it was back then, I’m still breathing and I’ll continue to fight until I’m no longer doing so.
It is important to note that my strength is not mine alone. I learned very quickly that my ability to thrive depends on others doing the same. It has taken a long time for me to create a team of incredible people that help me to live my life.
Some people were already in my life such as my family and especially my Pops. He has been my rock and has continually taught me lessons [often at the expense of the colour of his hair] to ensure that I stay grounded. My value as a man is directly influenced by the man he is, a constant role model to me.
Some people came into my life directly after my accident. My physio, Mel Harding, was instrumental in allowing me to grow as a quadriplegic. My doctors, nurses, therapists and all the other individuals who have been a part of my journey since 2008 cannot be thanked enough.
A special mention has to go to Ike Malibe. My right hand man and the individual who is by my side the most. I have yet to meet someone who cares so deeply for me. I’m not an easy person to be around but he has taken the time to teach me many important lessons. My love for him and especially his family, who have sacrificed time with him so he can be with me, runs deep.
Special mentions to friends who have seen my worth include Catie, Fufu, Dylan, Dookie, Oscar, Sav, Nicola, Shanil and so many more.
Lastly, the rugby community never forgets their own from the Springboks right through to the Bulls, Tuks and Pretoria Boys (Mr Schroder, Mr Hassenkamp, Dr Lombard and Mr McBride). The Players Fund have been an incredible source of inspiration for the work they do and the support they give me. Thank you Gail, Tori and all your special members.
Having said all of the above, it is safe to say that my strength has allowed me to move past the trauma I faced when I was an 18 year old boy. Change is something that humans avoid but when faced with trauma, we have little choice but to accept change.
I’m a firm believer in destiny and as such I believe I was born to live this life. The insight my belief grants me is that I understand that I cannot control the uncontrollables. It makes your vision clearer when you reach that understanding because you know when to fight and when to let go.
In the end, I have one life and I have to make the best of it.
